she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
