if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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