i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
