This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
