Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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