At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
