She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
