I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
