there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
