So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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