I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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