i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
