Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
