I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
