I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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