He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
