I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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