our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think people are normalizing furries
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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