bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
