Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
