don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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