All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
