I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
