I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
