i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me too!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
