He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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