p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
false alarm, still single
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
