we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
