All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
