If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
