You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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