I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
