peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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