im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
