When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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