im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
