Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
