"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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