If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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