Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
