STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
