turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
