Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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