I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
