im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
