did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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