thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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