that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
