Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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