ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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