I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
