i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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