put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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