I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
its liver damage thursday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
