Pants 0. Shit 1.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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