i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
