maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
