Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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