there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
