Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
