I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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