Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
