there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
