i will never coherently bang her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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