There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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