sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
