I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
