Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
