I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
