like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
