do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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