i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
