but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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