First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
