She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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