do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
