i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
