i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Randomize
