Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
