This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
