with your own penis?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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