I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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