Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
